It's Time To Make Life Lemonade

The longer work shifts happened, and once they ended I was laid off today in one quick text. It caught me totally off guard but it’s not a surprise as I am now one of a handful of the oldest employees. This happened once before years ago by the same company. The phone text contents stated it being temporary until the end of June but with undertones of it being permanent and here I am overthinking it all. My social security retirement will have kicked in by then, but hopefully my pride will rebound sooner. It’s been awhile since I’ve had to be home without a work schedule in this manner, and it feels uncomfortable. Life is fluid and the world will keep spinning. I guess it's time to rethink and to regroup where I go from here before depression creeps in and renders me lost. More than anything I will miss the friends I have made at work. When life gives you lemons, ugh.

The last six months I’ve volleyed blogging about home life and work life as they were so intertwined with each other. Now I need to refocus on new daily activities and new topics in an effort not to become boring mainly to myself. I won’t lie, I’m reeling wondering what I will do with my newfound free time, to many it would be a no-brainer to just move on with whatever else you have going on in life. My husband had gotten comfortable with my being at work with him and we had some funny moments while there. I feel guilty about all of this, like I have let him down especially financially. I’m already thinking I may return to a former employer I was with years up until COVID and see if they will rehire me part time. The thought of not having a work structure isn’t something I am used to, by nature I have a drive to be busy maybe too much so. This whole scenario screams I’m not ready to retire yet. It’s just so final, so scary.  

At home I am battling my outside critters. I had put potted flowers out and they bloomed into beautiful colors with much care. Returning home last week I saw one pot of flowers flattened, something had obviously sat on them. Dismayed, I brought it into the enclosed sun porch to give it some care so it would recover, which it did. Days later I once again put it outside but in a slightly different location. Yesterday returning home once again the same results. Something had again sat smack in the middle of my pansies. The odd thing is there are two other pots of flowers on each side untouched. It’s always the pansies that are sat upon, by a squirrel I’m guessing. 

To add insult to injury my husband walked to his vegetable garden as he does late afternoon to check on his plants, then I heard a bark from him. Something had eaten all of his young pea plants. I sympathized with him verbally but also pointed out we both were aware of the rabbit history in our yard before planting. I had told him he best put a fence around his garden but he had not. The pea plants had now became a rabbit’s late night snack. Men don’t like to listen it seems, especially mine. I don't mind letting him think he’s the expert if it makes him happy. 

Even if this week ended on a grumpy note for both of us, the summer flowers everywhere make my heart happy and give me hope. It’s satisfying nurturing something and then seeing it flower from your effort, and then those flowers attract little lives like the bees, and whatever else. My husband isn’t so forgiving as I am.  Summer flowers are like having a yard full of smiles. This year I cut back on my bird feeding to one feeder. Years prior I had a whole yard of stations but with a noticeable bird illness in the area it’s best to have no feeders at all and that’s difficult for me. I love watching them and their little personalities, photographing them, and have an Instagram of my feathered family of seasons past here. 

In the last year my three cameras have sat on a table unused not from lack of interest, but because I have been busy working and life happens that way. Maybe it’s time to bring them out again. They aren’t the newest nor the best, they are dated like myself. My mind is wandering back to the adventures I’ve brought them on and the beautiful memories they captured. Maybe I’m not as useless as I feel. Tomorrow I need to begin to figure all of this out, I hate wasting time I don't have. My apologies for removing my prior blog post, I prefer to focus on the positive. 

 

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